Prostitution aside, I'm obsessed with slutty costumes. Clothes that have been chosen very deliberately to be a little bit jarring. I'm especially into clothes that are too tight or awkwardly revealing. Um, by the way, I'm talking about women here. Men in tight and awkwardly revealing clothes upset me. Bad upset; not good upset. They make me think of Leif Garret fold-outs in Tiger Beat.

I've been talking about getting a waitress uniform for years—I even checked out a bunch of uniform suppliers, but they never look how I want them to. But I just got some white patent platform Mary Janes and now I'm obsessed with getting a nurse's uniform. But you either have to be skinny or have tits for the nurse's uniform. The push up bras only go so far, so I'm on a diet. I want a nurse's uniform a size or two too small. I'll get myself the little hat, too, with the red cross, if they still make them. Hey—how 'bout that? It seems that I can wear slutty costumes without being a hooker! Maybe life isn't so bad after all.

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