When I was really little I hated our landlord. So one day I took
his tools that were lying in the back yard and threw them off a
cliff near our house. The landlord could not figure out where they
were and so he bout a new set. I threw these over, too. After buying
tools 6 times, he stopped leaving his tools out. But he never figured
out that it was little evil me!
When I was in grade school, I used to chew gum, which was against
the rules. To keep from being caught, I would chew very small pieces
of gum and pop them inside my mouth. I would then hide the gum on
the roof of my mouth whenever the teacher suspected me enough to
look. They always make you move your tongue and open your mouth
bigger, but they never check thre roof of your mouth.
When I was in college, I had a blind roommate (meaning that he
couldn't see, as oppossed to the fact that I didn't know him before
we moved in together, which I didn't either.) anyway we were sitting
around the dormroom one day and I was clipping my toenails. He liked
to smoke pot and was fiending for some. So I threw my toenails in
a bong and enticed him into smoking them. Amazingly enough, he did
not regain his sight, but he did cough a lot.
When I was in college the head of the university concert committee
was a little Hitler, big wheel type who lined my band up to play
a weekly keg-party in the court-type show. A week before, he told
us he was booting us since we were "unreliable" (looking back, I
guess we kind of were; we broke up a lot). Anyway, it was all very
arbitrary. Several nights later, my housemates and I were having
a cookout party and Little Hitler was there. When everyone was inside,
I pissed on his porkchop that was cooking on the grill. I sat and
smiled while he ate the whole porkchop. The funny thing is, after
doing that, I didn't seem to have a grudge anymore. I guess by improved
attitude showed because he ended up booking us several times in
the ensuing months. But I wasn't sorry.
I hate my mother-in-law. Recently, she stepped in a wad of chewing
gum and had a fit. We all agreed: what a low-life to spit out their
gum....it was mine! :)
Back in sixth grade, my best girlfriend and I snuck into the Town
Hall's restroom. They had one of those frosted white, round, plastic,
soap dispensers—the kind where you whack the metal dispenser
bottom to get out the yellow soap. She took it down, emptied it,
and made me fill it up with my pee. We put it back, made sure it
worked, and left.
When I was twelve, I broke into a kinder garden school, and stole
all of their fun music and story telling audio tapes- I just wanted
to see if I could get away with it. I guess I liked living on the
edge back then.
