When we discuss garlic bread, we don't mean the crisp, thick Italian bread grilled with olive oil and fresh garlic. No, no. We mean that steamy soft bright fake-me-out garlicky yellow log that's been pre-sectioned for your portioning ease. Maybe it's even been sprinkled with paprika or parmesan cheese if you're at a really classy joint. It's the sort of thing you'd get at Pizza Hut or Dairy Queen. And nothing spells garlic bread convenience like Lawry's Garlic Spread. Lawry's Garlic Spread comes in two varieties: condensed and ready-to-spread. Avoid the archaic condensed at all costs. It was passable in the 70s, when time was free and softening butter and mixing it with the crumbly yellow paste seemed innocent enough. But once you've experienced the ready-to-spread, you'll never go back. (I mention the condensed only because the less advanced grocery stores carry it instead of the ready-to-spread—I could only find condensed in San Diego.) The ready-to-spread variety gives you all the luxury the modern cook deserves. As an added bonus, its laboratory-produced ingredients can withstand the rigors of your pantry—and nothing spells easy spreadin' like NO REFRIGERATION!

So next time you want to REALLY impress your guests* whip up a batch of fake-me-out garlic bread and let the compliments gush in!

*It's best to stick to culturally backwards or at least white-trash-friendly guests. Snooty fancy food lovers will look down their noses at the stinky gooey yellow mess placed before them. But if the main course comes from a Betty Crocker cookbook, a box, a bucket, or a can, Lawry's garlic spread is the way to go!