Dryer sheets were relatively
new when I was born. Liquid fabric softener was a thing of the past. The
modern working woman didn't have time to sit around waiting for the rinse
cycle—she had enough on her mind bringing home the bacon, frying
it up in a pan, and never ever letting you forget you're a man!
My parents both worked;
they weren't floundering in the past. My parents used dryer sheets.
When I left home, my roommates used dryer sheets. All of my friends
used dryer sheets. I'd considered liquid fabric softener, what with
all the cheery women on TV cuddling impossibly soft terry cloth towels.
They all looked so happy! I thought it had to be the softest towel in
the world! But who had the time?
And then came the Downy
Ball, a little invention of pure genius. You just pour in the Downy,
plug the ball, toss it on top of your laundry, and the magic of the
Downy Ball does the rest!
Now my clothes are softer
than ever before. They smell like Sandy Olson (her mom was a housewife
who knew the luxury of liquid fabric softener). I have rediscovered
the magic of Donna Reed, and I owe it all to the inventors of the Downy
Ball.
But before you plunge into
the brave new world of the Downy Ball, a word of caution. DO NOT PLACE
THE MAGIC BALL NEAR THE AGITATOR (the center thingy). As long as you
put the ball near the periphery of your laundry, the clever dispenser
will remain pristine! Otherwise, the ball will get mercilessly scratched
and punctured (it took me four balls to learn this valuable lesson,
but my new fancy washer has a special fabric softener compartment, so
it's all for nothing now).
Disclaimer:
I've gotten a few angry letters about how someone's Downy Ball released
too early and ruined their clothes and it's all my fault. If you're
a spaz and don't think you can operate the Downy ball properly, or if
your clothes are particularly dainty, don't use it. Either way, it's
not my fault, so leave me alone and bitch at Procter & Gamble. Now
that I have fancy new washing machine, I don't need to truck with you
plebes without built-in fabric softener dispensers, so I can't relate
to your (allegedly) faulty Downy Ball plight.
